As human beings, we are hard wired for belonging. Evolution has shaped us to be this way to survive. Those with a group or village were the most likely to live. This is why this deep longing exists within us and why we jump through hoops to attain it. The problem is, it seems the harder we work for it the more elusive it is.

(Read more about creating connection with others)

The types of clients I work with in therapy tend to be driven, over achievers. On the outside people may think they have it all together, but inside the drive for that success is the feeling that they have to work for their worthiness. The belief is, “I won’t be worthy of love and belonging unless I am perfect an no one gets upset with me.” Not only is the pressure immense, the goal is unattainable. The cost for not feeling like you’re enough unless you are perfect, please everyone and are constantly productive is steep and it never actually lets you feel like you’re enough. Love and belonging can’t be experienced until you feel worthy of it.

The solution?

Wholehearted living.

This is a concept introduced to us by Brene´ Brown.

Wholehearted living is about engaging with our lives from a sense of worthiness. It means cultivating courage, compassion, and connection to wake up in the morning and think, ‘No matter what gets done and how much is left undone, I am enough.’

Shame and fear of being vulnerable hold us back from attaining a whole hearted life. It is difficult to create deep meaningful connections and a fulfilled life without bringing your full authentic and imperfect self to the table. It means having the courage to be vulnerable and face uncertainty.

In Brene´ Brown’s book, The Gifts of Imperfection, she discusses 10 guide posts that will lead you to a whole hearted life where you will find courage, compassion and connection. This February, the Therapeutic Book Club, a unique form of group therapy, will be reading this book and putting these 10 guide posts in to practice.

The 10 guide posts that help you engage with life from a place of worthiness and allow you to let go of perfection, people pleasing and performing and develpo courage, compassion and connection are are follows:

1. Cultivating Authenticity: Letting Go of What People Think

Living authentically means embracing your true self and allowing your unique qualities to shine, even when they may not align with others' expectations. It requires vulnerability and the courage to show up as you are, imperfections and all. By letting go of the constant need for approval, you free yourself from the weight of judgment and comparison. Authenticity isn’t about being perfect—it’s about being honest and real, even when it’s uncomfortable. It allows you to connect deeply with others and foster meaningful relationships built on trust and understanding.

2. Cultivating Self-Compassion: Letting Go of Perfectionism

Self-compassion involves treating yourself with the same kindness and understanding that you would offer a dear friend. It challenges the harsh inner critic and replaces it with gentleness and grace. Letting go of perfectionism means recognizing that striving for flawlessness is not only impossible but also detrimental to your well-being. Self-compassion helps you acknowledge your mistakes and limitations without judgment, understanding that imperfection is part of being human. When you release perfectionism, you allow yourself to grow and thrive in a more forgiving and loving way.

(Read more about letting go of perfection)

3. Cultivating a Resilient Spirit: Letting Go of Numbing and Powerlessness

Resilience is the ability to bounce back from adversity by leaning into discomfort and finding ways to rise stronger. It requires facing challenges head-on instead of avoiding or numbing difficult emotions with distractions like overeating, overworking, or other escapes. Resilient people develop a sense of hope, self-worth, and resourcefulness that keeps them grounded even during tough times. Letting go of powerlessness means reclaiming your ability to choose how you respond to life’s hardships. By building resilience, you cultivate a sense of empowerment and courage to navigate life’s ups and downs.

4. Cultivating Gratitude and Joy: Letting Go of Scarcity and Fear of the Dark

Gratitude is a practice that shifts your focus from what you lack to what you have, fostering a mindset of abundance and appreciation. By actively noticing and appreciating life’s blessings, you open yourself to experiencing joy more fully. Letting go of scarcity involves rejecting the belief that there’s never enough—time, love, success—and learning to trust in life’s sufficiency. Similarly, releasing the fear of the dark means embracing life’s uncertainties and challenges, knowing they are part of the human experience. Gratitude and joy are closely linked, and together, they help you live with greater fulfillment.

5. Cultivating Intuition and Trusting Faith: Letting Go of the Need for Certainty

Intuition is your inner voice guiding you when logic and evidence fall short. Trusting your intuition requires faith—not necessarily religious faith, but a belief in something greater than yourself that provides guidance and reassurance. Letting go of the need for certainty means accepting that not all answers will be clear and not all outcomes can be predicted. When you trust in your intuition and faith, you open yourself to possibilities and allow life to unfold naturally. It’s about embracing the unknown and finding peace in the process.

6. Cultivating Creativity: Letting Go of Comparison

Creativity is not limited to the arts—it’s any form of self-expression that brings you joy and meaning. Embracing your creativity means allowing yourself to explore new ideas and take risks without worrying about how your work compares to others. Comparison can stifle creativity, making you feel inadequate or unworthy. Letting go of this habit allows you to create from a place of authenticity and freedom. Creativity helps you connect with yourself and the world in meaningful ways, enhancing your sense of purpose and fulfillment.

7. Cultivating Play and Rest: Letting Go of Exhaustion as a Status Symbol and Productivity as Self-Worth

Play and rest are vital for your mental, emotional, and physical health. They allow you to recharge, reconnect with your inner child, and approach life with a sense of joy and curiosity. Letting go of exhaustion as a badge of honor and rejecting the idea that your worth is tied to how much you accomplish is essential for wholehearted living. Rest is not laziness—it’s a necessary act of self-care that fuels your ability to show up fully in your life. Play, on the other hand, fosters creativity, connection, and resilience, making space for laughter and lightness.

8. Cultivating Calm and Stillness: Letting Go of Anxiety as a Lifestyle

Calm and stillness are practices that counteract the busyness and overstimulation of modern life. They help you cultivate a sense of inner peace and clarity, allowing you to approach situations with intention rather than reacting impulsively. Letting go of anxiety as a constant state involves recognizing when you’re overthinking or caught up in worry and learning to pause. Stillness doesn’t mean doing nothing—it’s about creating moments to center yourself and reflect. These practices help you respond thoughtfully to challenges and live with greater balance and mindfulness.

9. Cultivating Meaningful Work: Letting Go of Self-Doubt and Supposed To

Meaningful work is not necessarily tied to your job or career—it’s about engaging in activities that align with your values, passions, and purpose. It requires tuning out the societal “shoulds” and “supposed to” that pressure you to conform to others’ expectations. Letting go of self-doubt means trusting in your abilities and recognizing the value you bring to the world. Whether it’s a profession, a creative pursuit, or volunteer work, meaningful work gives you a sense of contribution and fulfillment, making life more rewarding.

10. Cultivating Laughter, Song, and Dance: Letting Go of Being Cool and Always in Control

Laughter, song, and dance are forms of expression that bring joy, connection, and healing. They allow you to let go of the need to appear composed or "cool" and instead embrace moments of pure, unfiltered happiness. These activities foster a sense of belonging and remind us not to take ourselves too seriously. Letting go of control means being open to spontaneity and imperfection, creating space for fun and celebration. Incorporating these elements into your life helps you connect with others and your authentic self in a lighthearted and uplifting way.

Final thoughts…

Courage, compassion and connection are the gifts you receive when you embrace imperfection and allow yourself to be your authentic self. You can start living a wholehearted and fulfilled life without hustling for your worthiness. People pleasing, performing and perfection are a dead end that will leave you miserable and still feeling inadequate and unworthy. You can let go of who you think you are supposed to be and embrace who you are.

Comment below with one way that you will practice living life from a place of worthiness!

Disclaimer: The information provided in this blog post is for educational and informational purposes only. It is not intended to be a substitute for professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your therapist or other qualified healthcare provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical or mental health condition. Never disregard professional advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read in this blog post. The author and publisher of this post are not responsible for any actions or inaction you may take based on the information presented in this post.